Reshape relationships to be the correct size and shape for you
Summary
- If a person is not fair to you in return or abuses your relationship, you can reshape the relationship so taht it is the correct size
Details
- Change the relationship deliberately to be the size and shape that works best for you
- relationships need repair and maintenance
References
Quotes
At home or at work, if you’re fair with someone who won’t be fair in return, or you’re open and vulnerable with someone who will use that against you later, you may need to reshape the relationship.
With this person, perhaps you’ve realized that it’s best to make no more loans, to go out for coffee instead of drinks, or to avoid discussing politics. Knowing what you’d like to change—let’s say it’s several things—carve those aspects of the relationship out of the circle so that you end up with something that looks like a blob whose area is the size of the relationship that seems best to you. As you face what the relationship needs to be, there could be a sense of loss, dashed hopes, frustration, or disenchantment. Be mindful of this and compassionate toward yourself.
Relationships are inherently unstable and naturally need repairs. It’s a red flag if someone in a significant relationship is unwilling to repair it.
• When you make repairs, double-check what you think happened. Then get on your own side and don’t be embarrassed about telling others that you’ve been let down, hurt, or mistreated. If necessary, shrink the relationship to a size and shape that is safe for you.