Identify your values by examining what moves you
Summary
- When something causes pain, it is because you value it
Details
- We all have things we value, so we will have bad feelings
- You can identify values by looking at what is:
- sweet - full of meaning and connection
- sad - most painful. why did you care about them?
- hero - someone who has an attribute you would like to hve
- stories - how would you like people to remember you
References
Quotes
which is that “you hurt where you care.” If something is painful or sad, it’s often because you value it: Hayes says the most common reaction to acknowledging our values is tears. Because we all have things in our lives that we value, bad feelings are going to be a part of life. You can’t avoid them, but you can accept them while doing whatever matters to you anyway.
To identify your own values, Hayes recommends examining your life through four lenses: sweet, sad, heroes, and stories. For “sweet,” think about moments in your life filled with deep vitality, connection, or purpose. Why were those moments so meaningful for you? The answer might point to an important value. Under “sad,” what are the most painful moments in your life, the ones that ripped your heart open? Why do you think you cared so much about them? For a “hero,” think about someone who embodies an attribute you’d like to have. What would it take for you to possess that same trait? And finally, think about how you would write the story of your life. How would you want to be remembered? Those “epitaph” qualities are often the ones we wish we exhibited more in day-to-day life.